Soundless Doll
by thecrimsonsleepingdragon
Summary: I love you Bella and I can't live without you" that's what you said to me and yet here you are telling me you're leaving. And now that you've left, I feel so fragmented. Alone. a soundless doll. xoxo Bella


**Soundless Doll**

HI! This is my first time writing a fic, so please go easy on me. This fic is inspired by New Moon and the Junjō Romantica, takes place after Edward talks to Bella and breaks up with her. This story is based on what Bella has been through, her thoughts and emotions after Edward left her.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything, the story of New Moon and its characters belong to Stephanie Meyer .I just own the plot of hits fic. Please enjoy and let me know what you think.

I dedicate this to a close friend of mine , hope you enjoy this.

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._" If only I could be a person who would mean the world for someone, how happy I would be"_ Hiro

This line is from Junjō Romantica.

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**When You're Gone**

Avril Lavigne

**_I always needed time on my own  
Id never thought id need you there when i cry  
and the days feel like years when im alone  
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side_**

Bella's POV:

You know I wasn't the type of person who liked the spotlight, when mother remarried I didn't want to impose that's why I decided to go live with my father . I had a normal and boring life, I wasn't a social butterfly by nature, I wasn't pretty or popular because I was shy I only had a few friends. When my friends fell in love, I always thought to myself that I didn't want to fall in love and lose my self, because I didn't want to lose my freedom and live for another .

Because I was scared that if I did fall, it won't last. When you are in love, the whole world revolves around that person and you no longer have time for you're self. I was afraid of being hurt and abandon, so I didn't try, it was lonely being alone, without a lover who would make you smile. _Little did I know that it would happen to me, once I came to live in Forks._

**_When you walk away I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now?_**

But now, after meeting Edward, life changed for me. I wasn't alone anymore, so this was the feeling of begin in love, a feeling that brings joy and laughter to each passing day, when you are with the person you love and treasure in the whole world. If only I could be a person who would mean the world for someone, how happy I would be. Finally that time has come andthe person I love shares the same feelings of love for me. _I felt that I was in paradise_, I wish that it would never end.

**_When your gone,  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
when your gone,  
The face I came to know is missing too._**

The day you said that we had to part ways and that you would leave, made me fall to my knees in shock. I would have never thought that there would be a day that would bring me to my knees in tears and agony. I begged you not to go, but you left saying that it was dangerous and that I should just forget you. Forget you? How could I?

It was like telling me to forget the happiest moments of my life. I couldn't do it. You left me there crying my heart out and my perfect world tumbled and shattered all around me leaving me broken and vulnerable, so weak, defenseless and afraid. When I fell in love, I gave it my all, _I loved you so much, and you made my world_. But now without you left me so weak and tired, I don't feel like living anymore.

**__**

When your gone,  
The words I need to hear to always get me through  
The day and make it ok  
I miss you.....

You left, along with you're family; the presents and items that I received from you and them vanished. It was like, you had never been a part of my life, and as I lay in my bed thinking and hoping that you would come back. I cried silently wishing the world would disappear, so that I can be with you again, so that I can be in your arms again and feel you hold me so gently and protectively_. In you're arms I felt safe, treasured and protected_. I knew the day that love would fail me, but I never thought that it would be by you, the man I loved, the person that I trusted with my whole life, I never thought you would be the one to leave me behind, betrayed and so alone. My world fell and broke apart by your departure.

**_I'd never felt this way before  
Everything that I do reminds me of you  
And the clothes you left ,that lie on the floor  
And they smell like you, I love the things that you do_**

As I go to school each day, I was like a zombie, living without any reason but to feed from my memoires of our love. _When did living become so dreadful that it became a duty?_ I no longer enjoyed it; I see people everyday but the only person who would mean everything to me left me broken. I wondered, did you ever think of me, as I think of when we are worlds apart?

**_  
When you walk away I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now?_**

I never thought that I would be the one who's cold and lifeless right now, when you, my love is a vampire and I a human, was I that unfit for you to leave me? Was what you said all lies? I don't know what to believe anymore, please come back to me, and make me whole again, I'm dying can't you see? My existence has no purpose without you by my side. I'm losing myself, dying slowly as the days pass and go, why is that when I fell, that was also the same time I started living now, I don't know anymore…save me from the tears I don't want to shed, the pain of being abounded and left alone was to painful for me to bear, if I took my life.. Would I see you? _Would I finally be with you_?

**_When your gone,  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
when your gone,  
The face I came to know is missing too._**

But I realized that even if you are gone, I have to pick myself together and be strong. If you were truly meant for me, if you truly love me, you would come back .I hold myself to that promise, and I started to live again. The colors started to come back in my life , I could finally laugh and have fun without you, slowly step by step I'm healing, I didn't give up on you nor on our love but its time I distract myself and try to live for myself. I knew you wouldn't want to see me living like this. _Every night, I prayed for you to come back _…how I wish, that as I sleep you would be by my side the moment I woke up. I believe you will come back.

**_ When your gone,  
The words I need to hear to always get me through  
The day and make it ok  
_**

I'm really glad that I'm healing and having fun, I know that Jacob has feelings for me, it's obvious but I can't love him, he is perfect and all, but he isn't Edward. _He isn't you_. But being with him, makes me smile and laugh , I can be at ease and comfortable around him, knowing that he will catch me when I fall, he's my best friend, I'm glad to have met him. Time with him, made me happy but just temporarily.

**_I miss you....  
_**

When Alice came and told me of what you had planned to do, I couldn't believe it …you would really die without me in you're life, I made you promise not to but did you listen? Why are you doing this? I _wont let you die, you mean the world to me_, if the world has to end and burn to ashes I would rather die by you're side than live alone, please wait for me, I will be there, weare on our way to save you.

**_  
We were made for each other  
Out here forever  
i know we were, yeah  
_**

When I woke up and saw you, I couldn't believe it; either I'm dead or still dreaming? If I was, and this was just a dream, then I didn't want to wake up anymore . But after you kissed me and showed me you were really here, I felt so sad….because this dream would come to an end and you would disappear. _I loved you, you knew that but why didn't you want me_? To become like you?

**_  
And all I wanted was for you to know  
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul  
I can hardly breathe, I need to feel your here with me, yeah_**

We came back to my house. You said you couldn't live without me, and that you will always love me. I was overwhelmed with emotions, I felt my heart slowly mending and beat faster, I didn't know _if I should smile or just cry_, just by you're confession, it made me feel alive, once again. I would give up everything just for you to stay by my side and never leave me. But when you said that there was a condition, I was surprised and shock when you asked for my hand. Are you serious? But it was either that or be changed by Carlisle, much as I respect him. I would rather have you turn me.

**_When your gone,  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
when your gone,  
The face i came to know is missing too._**

You're finally here, my heart's beating rapidly, as if it would burst, I'm no longer frozen and lost. Oh what a sweet torment, Whilst I've found the light once again, whilst this hesitance feed my very core...

I will never let go. Tomorrow looks brighter i see this colors surrounding, shining effervescently, filled with laughter. Re-living our joyous life.

It's like a  
Fulfillment of a dream  
once lost.

**__**

When your gone,  
The words i need to hear to always get me through  
The day and make it ok  
I miss you....

I love you so much Edward ….. and nothing will ever change what I feel for you.

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End file.
